


Prepare The Troops

by Adelay_from_Rivendell, Patolozka



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fluff, Fun, Heaven and Hell bureaucracy, Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, horrible bosses in fact care or something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-15 06:47:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19607683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adelay_from_Rivendell/pseuds/Adelay_from_Rivendell, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patolozka/pseuds/Patolozka
Summary: Crowley was lost. It was a month and no one has seen even a sliver of his scales.He could not be found in his flat. His trace not only in London was gone, if fact all of British Isles seemed to be Crowley-free. And both Hell and Heaven started to panic about it.





	Prepare The Troops

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: fic written mostly on night shifts and short periods when The Kid was asleep. So usually around 2AM. We hope it doesn’t show.

Crowley was lost. It was a month and no one has seen even a sliver of his scales. 

He could not be found in his flat. His trace not only in London was gone, if fact all of British Isles seemed to be Crowley-free. And both Hell and Heaven started to panic about it.

ooOoo

“Zzzo, Dagon, what do you have?” Belzebub sitting in her throne asked.

Dagon seemed frustrated. But it was understandable, as arriving in front of the Lord of Flies with no news was even worse than bringing the bad ones. And so far they have found nothing.

“His earthy chambers are empty, Lord, all the so called London area was searched but with no outcome. Our best agents are currently scanning the country known as Great Britain he favoured and we will have results soon but there are rumours that…”

“What rumourzz?” Belzebub barked. She was losing her temper really quickly these days. _Damn you, Crowley!_

“There are rumours, my Lord, that the… angel… the Principality called Aziraphale you’ve met some time ago… _smote him, Lord_.” The last words were spoken so silently it was a demonic miracle they were heart at all.

Belzebub frowned, Dagon started to sweat more, it was really warm Down there. But there was nothing he could do about his report, rumours were rumours and if it was true then…

“Prepare the troops, Dagon. If this is true, we are at war.”

ooOoo

Meanwhile in Heaven the settings were quite different yet the conversation could have been easily mistook as the one we just witnessed Down below.

“So, Michael, what do you have?”

Michael seemed tense. They all were a little bit crazy these days. An indefinite delay of culmination of certain Great plan will do that to angels.

“It seems the demon Crowley is missing. Aziraphale wasn’t seen in his company for a solid month. Our agents reported he looked very content, doing, as usual, nearly nothing in his bookshop but…”

“Yes?” Gabriel lifted his perfectly trimmed eyebrow.1

[Note 1: It took him a good couple of centuries to come up with a good excuse to use a miracle for his eyebrows. However, in his excitement he immediately forgot it.]

“It seems that Hell is convinced Aziraphale smote the demon himself.”

“Hmmmm,” Gabriel rubbed his chin thinking, “and what do _you_ think, Michael?”

“I think it’s unlikely but his celestial aura increased a little again…”

“Oh, it’s happening to all of as from time to time,”2 Gabriel dismissed it.

[Note 2: Heaven noticed in fact a couple instances when Aziraphale’s aura suddenly increased. Most noticeable would be a particular day during WWII in 1941, but since all Heaven was in uproar about what they thought was the worst demonic intervention ever made, no-one made a record of it.]

“And…” Michael continued but she seemed to be lost with her words.

“And?” Gabriel’s violet eyes were directed on his colleague, one of his bests. He valued her opinion very much. “You were saying?”

“I think…” Michael started finally, “there is a little of truth in every rumour and we shouldn’t take this lightly. After all, if true, this could lead to a war. And not the Great one, boss.”

“Oh no need to worry so much about it, right? And if there’s war? Then there is war,” Gabriel smiled angelically. “Keep digging and report everything unusual. Great work as usual, Michael, I have faith in you,” he beamed and clasped Michael on her shoulder. And then he was gone.

 _Well…_ Michael thought, _God help us._

ooOoo

Azipharale’s bookshop in Soho was a peaceful place. Mozart’s _Eine Kleine Nachtmusik_ was silently playing from the old gramophone and our angel was comfortably seated in his soft armchair. He was reading Oscar’s _Poems_ out loud, which was a little surprising.3 It was only a few weeks till Christmas and he was enjoying the lovely and happily buzzing atmosphere in town, while sitting in his favourite place with his favourite music, favourite book and a favourite company. Everything was just perfect…

[Note 3: Not that he was reading, Aziraphale spent most of his time reading. Neither the selection of poetry was an unexpected one, as Oscar was a good friend of the angel. No, the eyebrow-lifting thing was the “out loud” part.]

ooOoo

We are in a secluded hallway in Heaven. Were it in a human office building, we would be somewhere between a server room and a storage of broken printers. No one is listening except for us:

“Hey, it's me. …You know who. Me! With capital M, you idiot! Michael! Yeah! Yeah! _Archangel Michael_ for you, yes! So listen you… I need to know if it's true. 

…Yeah… about Crowley being smitten by our guy. Yes, yes, I know we should know, but we don't, OK? Aziraphale is… unpredictable since he came to his new powers.4 So is it true, is Crowley dead? ...You don't know as well? Oh this is just great! No, no! I'm being sarcastic here you moron. …Yes, sorry, shouldn’t say that. 

So… what are you going to do about it? ...You _what_? Don’t you think it’s a bit rushed? …Yeah, yeah, I know, OK? It was a bit rushed from our side in summer too, yeah. But no… I don't think war is a good idea either. Everyone is finally working again and it was a complete nightmare to make them do so. …Yeah, yeah you could imagine. So… could you handle Belzebub? I'll talk to Gabriel myself. We need to be reasonable now, right, both sides. …Yeah, yeah I think so too. Just three of us from either side, don’t want to be overcrowded there, I agree. So… at six o'clock tomorrow, just after the dawn? OK, keep me updated. Yeah, yeah, I’ll do the same. Have a nice day Down there or something. Me out.”

[Note 4: Yes, Heaven still didn’t figure out the whole body swap thing. Neither did Hell to be fair tho...]

ooOoo

The evening was lovely. There were Christmas decorations outside on the streets and their soft lights were flowing into the shop a little though its smoky window glasses. It was nice, it was really nice. The first Christmas of the rest of their lives after the Apocalypse that was diverted was coming and Aziraphale was looking forward to it. They will celebrate. Maybe they will even exchange a gift or two. They will drink of course and eat something delicious. They will fully savour everything this earthy life provides. He sighed contentedly and smiled. Yes, it will be great.

ooOoo

Gabriel was frowning.

“So… just the three of us? And you think you can trust them, Michael? They are demons after all!”

Michael gulped and turned to Uriel for help. “I think… I think the war is unnecessary and that we should check first. Both our sides, together. And if they are willing to make this compromise…”

Gabriel frowned again. “OK, we can do it, we are angels, the best of our bests. But keep an eye on everything and everyone.”

“We won’t disappoint you, sir,” Uriel said.

“Yes! Yes, I know,” Gabriel smiled warmly.5

[Note 5: If not threatened or confused or irritated by certain angel, Gabriel could, in fact, be a rather kind and even warm eternal entity.] 

And then they were out. Our from the Headquarters. Out to London. To Soho. To check on a demon’s well-being of all things.6 

[Note 6: Even though in their minds they were calling it a Rightful Intervention On A Possibly Rough Angel.]

ooOoo

Aziraphale’s reading was unpleasantly interrupted by noise from outside the shop. He tsked and very slowly got to his feet.7 Someone was shouting outside of his bookshop and it seemed like a wild argument.

[Note 7: Partly because he really didn’t want to get up and partly because he was sitting still for quite some time and angel or not, that takes its toll.]

He went through his shop and then finally opened the front door to persuade the troublemakers to stop their arguing in this blessed Christmas time and then…

“Gabriel? Uriel? Michael?”

On his left hand the angels were standing, with various degrees of a scowl on their faces, and on his right hand were…

“Lord Belzebub, Dagon and Hastur? What are you all doing here?”

“Aziraphale!” Gabriel beamed, smoothing his clothes and stepping out to welcome him, but was sternly interrupted by Belzebub.

“You smote Crowley, our field agent here. Confess or you’ll die!”

Aziraphale blinked a few times and then said: “Why would I smote my own husband, shall I ask?”

ooOoo

“…And it was rather spectacular, my dear. I have never seen angels and demons make the same face before, actually it reminded me of the time in China when I ate that rotten black egg thinking it was _pídàn_ and you were laughing at me for weeks after. ‘You should have seen your fasccce Angel, I was not sure whether you’re going to sssspit it out, ssssswallow in surprissse or curssse the entire country to Down bellow’. Anyway, Gabriel, Uriel and Michael on one side and Belzebub, Dagon and Hastur on the other. They were hustling on the street like some human teens, right there really, huh,” he chuckled. “I imagine they were all in fact defending your virginity, you know? I needed to assure them you are all right and show you to them. It seems my aura is overlapping yours when you are sleeping like this and that was the whole problem, you know. But now I think you should really get up, love, I miss you.”

Aziraphale smiled on a little black snake with reddish belly who was peacefully sleeping in a pocket of his old-fashioned coat and gently patted his cute head with his forefinger.

Crowley hissed silently in his sleep but he didn't seem to be getting up in any near future. At least not in a near hour or so. You know, napping was just so comfortable and nice and napping in his husband’s pocket was… even better.


End file.
